


Dream Sequence

by Panic3place



Category: Captain America, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Buckt Barnes is a little shit, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky is relatable, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers is a Little asshole, Steve Rogers is hot, bucky Barnes is drunk, bucky want to go to the zoo, oh fuck Bucky barnes’ Life, what is happening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-31 05:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15112973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic3place/pseuds/Panic3place
Summary: “What am I supposed to do?” He asks, frustration clear in his tone.He takes a menacing step towards Bucky, who flinches, unable to stop himself.He figured Steve would be upset, he has every right to be.What was Bucky doing? He couldn’t stop though. He has to drown out everything else that was happening, he had to.If he didn’t, it would kill him.He would never be able to breathe if he didn’t force all his feelings down. Pretending he’s always okay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [All stucky fans](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=All+stucky+fans).



> Bucky is a hot mess

Living with your best friend is supposed to be fun. Full of laughing and goofing off. It’s not supposed to be emotional torture, a weight on your heart that gets heavier with every smile and every hug. But every lopsided grin and half hearted joke makes Bucky’s skin crawl in a sick scary way that makes him want to claw it all off. Bucky didn’t know why living with Steve was so hard for him. So, While he sat in bed at midnight, unable to fall asleep because he had a horrible feeling in his gut after he hugged Steve before heading off to bed two hours ago. he’s been overthinking and creating different scenarios of how Steve would take the news of Bucky being totally 100% in love with him. Always has been, always will be. And he doesn’t think any power in the whole entire universe could change it. He can’t stop loving Steve, and he’s not even sure he wants to. No matter how horrible the pain gets. There’s pleasure in it too. He gets to see Steve every minute of every day if he wants to. And what could be better than that?si after hours of being unable to sleep, he tries ignoring his constant overthinking. Shutting it off until morning. And with much difficulty he falls into a fitful sleep.

the next morning his feelings are still eating at him. Just like every other morning. Most nights he goes to the club, trying to cover up his feelings for his loyal and lighthearted best friend. He gets drunk, screwing people until his brains fried of all other thoughts except regret. He always regrets getting drunk and going home with someone because it’s a betrayal to his own feelings, his own mind. Yet he can’t stop. He’s on a roller coaster taking turn after turn, loop after loop, and he can’t seem to get off. Because he would do anything to stop thinking of Steve for a little while. Because even if loving Steve is exciting even after all these years,  it hurts and he’s needs release. Because that, is what loving the best friend since JK does rock you. It fucks with you. And it hurts. An Bucky needs it to hurt sometimes but sometimes is not all the time so yeah, he goes to the club more often than not. And yeah, he comes home and Steve is usually waiting for him. Giving him sad eyes and lecturing him about it while Bucky groans and heads off to his room for the night. And Bucky always regrets making Steve worry about him. Always regrets making Steve upset because Steve is always scared for Bucky now. But Bucky can’t stop, doesn’t know how anymore. He can’t stop till he hears those three words he needs to hear so badly. And he’s sure anyone could guess what those three words are and who he needs to hear them from but he’s been nothing but rejected from everyone except Steve his whole life he can’t seem to understand that this time could be different. Because how can it be? No one else really ever wanted to stay with Bucky. So why would this be any different? And he knows Steve would never hurt him. Oh god he knows so well. Steve would never ever hurt him, wether he returned his feelings or not. But Bucky can’t be brave.

So Bucky walls into the kitchen, mumbling a good morning to Steve before opening the fridge. Steve smiles gently but says nothing as he watches Tv. “Have you already gone for your run with Sam?” Bucky questions, sitting down beside Steve as he munches on an apple. “Yeah, why did you wanna come?” He asks, looking at Bucky curiously. Bucky shakes his head. “God no. I see enough of the devil at movie night.” He laughs, earning one out of Steve too. “I gotta go to work soon, but I’ll be back at seven” Steve informs Bucky, standing up and stretching slightly, his short riding up to show a patch of smooth skin. Bucky’s breath almost hitches in his throat. Almost. He nods lightly “sure, okay” he says knowing that Steve knows full well that Bucky will not be there when he gets back.

and Steve was right. When he got home from work, he was again, disappointed to find that Bucky had gone out, again. Bucky had been going out at least three times a week, for what reason, Steve did not know. But he was always saddened to find that the man he was in love with was always coming home late from screwing around with whomever it was that he was that he was with. Bucky rarely ever stayed out all night. Usually he’d turn up at two or three in the morning, mumbling about the sex he just had being great and then ignoring Steve’s lecture and locking himself in his room. Steve was worried, to say the least. He could never put his finger on what was making him act up so bad. Because this, this is so unlike Bucky. And it hurts him to see Bucky hurting himself, and it hurts that Bucky is going off and screwing other people. Steve has no right to be hurt by it. He and Bucky were only friends. Even if it killed Steve that they were only friends.

bucky was standing behind some girl, hands on her hips whispering in her ear. Every time he said something she’d giggle and nod automatically as she swayed against him. And as if lost in a trance, Bucky would keep going back to the bar and hammering back drinks like their air, hoping maybe to get alcohol poisoning and die. Eventually though, he got the girl to ditch her friends and take him home with her. (It didn’t take much convincing but you didn’t hear it from Bucky)

he went with her gladly but just like most nights when he was bored and regret it too much he went home. E went to watch Steve’s worried eyes as he ignored his questions and went to give wallow in his own self pity. Bucky walked through the door, expecting Steve to be sitting on the couch, waiting. But instead there was a note on the coffee table and no best friend in sight.

_I’m sorry, I can’t stay up every night and watch you do this to yourself._

And that put Bucky through the ringer. His eyes welled up with unshed tears, his stomach felt sick and his head felt as though it was going to combust. He was hurting Steve. He was worrying him fo the point where he couldn’t even bring himself to stay up and wait anymore. And that sentence carries more meaning than intended and it weighed Bucky down. He sunk down to the floor in front of the couch, leaned against it, and cried. Trying to keep it down. Bucky had never cried about his feelings for Steve. He’s been close, but he always manages to keep his feelings in check. But now he realizes how much more damage that’s done than good. Because of it, his mind is a mess. And now he’s quietly having a breakdown as he realizes what he’s doing. And as if own cue, Steve walks out of his bedroom rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I woke up and I thought something was caring but-oh.” Steve says, eyes going wide when he sees Bucky on the floor knees pulled up to his chest as he whines pathetically. “What’s wrong?” He says, moving towards Bucky at record speed. He plops down beside him and gently pulls his arms away from his face. “Bucky...” he says when he takes a long look at his bloodshot and tired eyes. Bucky shakes his head  hiding his face back in his arms, as he continues to cry, willing himself to stop but not being able to. “Bucky What’s wrong? I can help” he says trying to peel his arms away again. Eventually he gives up, putting an arm around his terribly sad friend and shushing him lightly, whispering reassuring words in his ears as he rests his head on his shoulder. This was all hiring Steve too. He didn’t know why all of a sudden Bucky was crying. He just wanted him happy again.

he rubs soothing circles over Bucky’s back, continuing to talk to him until eventually Bucky was all sniffles. But he still didn’t move his arms. Afraid that if he looked at Steve it would happen all over again. After a few more minutes of comforting words Steve moved away, disappointing Bucky in the process. He still didn’t lift his head. “Bucky, come here” he said, holding his arms out. He sighed when Bucky still made no move to remove his arms from his face. He gently took Bucky’s wrists in his hands and pulled him up so they were standing. “Bucky” he said when the other man kept his head bowed, eyes trained on the ground. Bucky didn’t respond, far too embarrassed. So Steve hugged him. Holding onto him like a lifeline when Bucky finally did respond. Grabbing Steve’s shirt in return and burying his face in his chest, continuing to sniffle quietly. Eventually when he stopped holding onto Steve’s shirt so hard, and his grip relaxed, Steve let go too. Directing Bucky down the hall. But Steve didn’t take him to Bucky’s room. He took him to his own, waiting for Bucky to get in before he did too. Bucky looked at him, eyes red and puffy, looking terribly broken. Steve wanted to offer comfort. He wanted to make Bucky happy again. So with that only thought on his mind he grabbed Bucky by the waist, pulling him closer in an attempt at soothing him. Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat and he didn’t know what to do. So he did the only thing to do. He snuggled in closer, hoping to Relish in this closeness and get some real sleep. Do with his head tucked under Steve’s chin comfortably, he fell into a dreamless sleep. And so did Steve.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sum cute shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving on

Bucky Wakes up with a small yawn and looks around, disappointed to find that Steve was no longer there. He gets up, ignoring the head splitting migraine pounding at his skull and walks into the bathroom. 

Opening the mirror cabinet he takes an aspirin, hoping to kill the hangover for a little while. He heads to the living room, not feeling a particularly strong appetite. So he just plops down on the couch and turns on the tv, praying to the lord that Steve doesn’t mention last night. Bucky is definitely hitting the club twice as hard tonight. He needs to get this out of his head. This time the feelings will swallow him whole. He can’t do this. Bucky checks his phone. It’s 9:30. Steve would’ve left for work a half hour ago and Bucky needs to head out soon too, he’s not a total loser, Bucky works at a tattoo parlor, despite only having one tattoo. It’s a small black star on his left wrist, Steve had gotten a matching one in his right. Steve had hesistantly brought the idea to Bucky a year earlier when Bucky first got his job at the parlor. He said he wanted to get a tattoo done by Bucky on his first day, so Bucky said he would make Steve his first appointment. And then Steve shyly said he wanted to be basic and white and asked if Bucky would get a matching one. Of course, Bucky was ecstatic and they both agreed on the star. Neither man regretted the decision. Until Bucky had to go to work he lazed around on the couch and tried to get his emotions together. Not ready for any more tears to be shed. Bucky’s not sure he could take it. The tears, the embarrassment of someone seeing the tears, or the possible light rain Bucky found out they might get later on in the afternoon. Bucky doesn’t like drizzle rain. He hates it light. It either storms or doesn’t happen. That’s what Bucky thinks at least. He loves thunder storms. Absolutely loves them. He funds them calming. He doesn’t know why but he finds they aren’t as bad as everyone thinks. Bucky heads off to work, feeling almost ready for his day. His first appointment was was a girl who already has tons of tattoos, littering her arms and upper chest. She was Bucky’s favorite client. She was always super chirpy and friendly despite her tough exterior. Her name is Josey. Bucky and her had been friends since but started working at the parlor. She had been one of the first people to get a tattoo by him and she came almost every month to either get one recoulered or to get a new one entirely. She often went to the club with Bucky, and offered him emotional support which he rarely took her up on. She greets Bucky without a friendly smile and hands him a coffee. “Hey stranger” He grins, taking the coffee and sending a grateful smile her way. “What’s up?” She asks, sitting down on the chair for people getting tatts. Bucky shrugs “new?” He asks, eyebrow raised in question as he sits down. “You know it” she says, pulling out her phone, showing him a picture of what she wants. She wants a band logo. Specifically pierce the veil, she’s kinda got a thing for screamo bands, and even Bucky admits their good. He’s actually been listening to more screamo lately, finding it distracting and interesting to analyze. He likes finding the meaning behind lyrics of songs and can’t usually guess the first time he listens to a song. He nods, “those colors?” He questions, wanting to make sure she got exactly what she wanted. “Yep” she smiles, placing her right forearm on the table and pointing to where she wanted the logo with her left. Bucky set to work glancing at the phone every so often, making sure all lines were symmetrical to the ones on them small screen. Not wanting to mess up. Not that he ever has. “We hitting up the new club that opened down the street from my place?” She asks, smirking at him mischievously. Bucky heaves a fake sigh. “I guess so” he smiles,never looking up from his work. “Great, I got a new jacket I wanna wear.” Bucky refrains from chuckling, afraid of shaking his hands accidentally. By 8:00 Bucky was yelling a “dont wait up” down the hallway before closing the door and walking towards Joseys waiting car. “No boy toy?” She questions teasingly, a smirk forming on her plush lips as she started driving. “Since when has Steve ever come with us?” Bucky chuckles, shaking his head lightly. “Three times, Bucky. Steve has come with us three times” Josey insists, although she is correct. “Oh yes, my mistake” admits, raising his hands in easy defeat as they continue down the Brooklyn road. “Bucky, are you ever gonna tell him?” She asks on a serious note, turning to look at him with genuine concern in her eyes. Bucky visibly tenses and looks out the window. “On my own terms” he sighs, the heartache audible in his voice. “Bucky your hurting yourself.” Bucky nods, silently admitting his truth. “But let’s have fun.” She says, a smile returning to her face, knowing that conversation was never gonna last. “Because you only live once!” She shouts parking her car and getting out, Bucky following suit. Inside the night club was brightly lit with neon spotlights and blinkers, everyone’s clothes reflecting off of said lights. Bucky took a look around, immediately spotting the bar. “I’m getting a drink, want anything?” He asks Josey, pointing to the bar in case she couldn’t hear over the blaring music. “I’ll come with” she shouts, tucking a strand of light brown hair behind her ear. Bucky nods firmly, leading the way to the bar, Josey close behind. “What do you want?” Bucky asks kindly, flashing a brilliant smile to the bar tender who practically falls on her face at the gesture. “Rum and coke” she smiles, scanning the crowd for any interesting looking people. “Two rum and cokes” Bucky tells the bartender, handing her some cash, which she pushes back. She makes their drinks, handing them to Bucky. “Thanks” he beams, turning back towards Josey. “For the lady” he teases, handing her one of the drinks. “Why thank you” It’s botched an hour later that Bucky and Josey have gone their separate ways. The alcohol in Bucky’s system blurring the edges of his vision as he sways in time with the fast beat, keeping his eyes trained on the girl in front of him. Bucky always goes to straight clubs to forget who he is. It helps him forget about Steve for the hours he’s not at home. He loves Steve. But he could never bring himself to tell him. He’s just not brave like that. Bucky, even as a teenager could never confront his feelings. Not unless those feelings weren’t real. But his feelings for Steve are the only real things he’s ever felt. Steve is the only real thing he’s ever touched. And he loves Steve. He loves how real it feels to hug Steve and know Steve and he’s loves how real everything about Steve is. But he he hates it too. He hates that it comes with a terrible price of heartache. And while loving Steve is bliss, it’s torture in itself too. Steve is like the sun. A beautiful fiery ball of passion. By if you get to close it burns. And Bucky loves the burn. He’s addicted. And that’s why he tries to forget. Because he knows addictions never end well. So he has to stop. Even for just a little while. He has to quit. Even if it’s not permanent. Bucky has a habit of talking about Steve when he’s drunk. Most people just tell him to shut up and keep doing what they were doing before he opened his big mouth, or they’re say fuck you and tell him to go. But tonight hes apparently not in the mood to talk about Steve, plastered or not. So he dances. He dances with different girls, swaying and whispering and smirking. He’s talking to some lovely black haired woman as she seats against him, back pressed into Bucky’s chest as they both ignore what’s going on around them. Neither of them even caring about what’s going on around them. Yet not even caring about each other. They both came to forget. Bucky is sobering up fast and he’s suddenly tired. They’d been here for hours. It’s two in the morning and Bucky wants to go home. He ditches the girl in front of him. Just leaving her there. Ignoring the puzzled look she shoots at the back of his head as he walks around to find Josey. Thur have a rule. You never leave without telling the other. In person. Making sure they know your going somewhere. So he looks around for Josey, finding her at a table with a girl, talking intently with her. “Josey?” Bucky says over the music. Grabbing her attention with a tap on her shoulder. “What’s up B?” She asks, sipping her cocktail with a small smile. “I’m gonna leave, but please. Don’t drive home. Your hammered.” He tells her, she nods and promises not to drive. So Bucky walks out the doors of the club, immediately resting her anyway to remind her not to drive. Because that’s who he is. He would’ve done it if he hadn’t sobered up too. He’s just like that. And as soon as he sends the message, he starts walking the couple of blocks home. It’s times like these he’s glad he and J live so close. Bucky walks into the house totally prepared for Steve to have gone to bed again, he was right. Steve was nowhere to be seen. So bcky throws his jacket on the couch and crossing the living room to get to the hallway, which would lead him to his bedroom. And Steve’s but, he’s tired and isn’t going to wake him. But he can’t resist, he peeks into the room, checking to make sure Steve is indeed safe in his bed. He is. Bucky almost falls over. He’d been worried since last night when he read that note that when he got home next time, Steve will have gone out too. He would never complain if he did. Well, not externally at least. Because that’s hypcritical, but he would be hurt. Even if he’s got no right. He turns to go to his room, drowsiness seeping into his muscles as they start to get heavy. So he goes to his room, pulling off his T-shirt, he crawls into bed, too tired to deal with the rest. Bucky’s eyelids flutter open, and he looks around his room. Blinds closed. He’s suddenly so thankful he almost never opens them. This is why. And he’s in desperate need of a headache. It’s a Saturday so Bucky doesn’t have work. Neither does Steve. Steve works at a small bakery in downtown, he decorated the cakes and stuff. And he’s really good at it. He still draws and paints, sells them on the side. And Bucky is always proud of Steve’s work. Bucky can only draw on skin and without a reference. He can’t paint, or sketch on paper. But when he’s giving tattoos he’s a master. Bucky regretted getting up as soon as he did. He immediately went rock grab an aspirin, then went to the living room, not sure he could eat at that particular moment. Steve walked in a few minutes later. “Morning” he says, ignoring Bucky’s bare chest and giving Bucky a small smile. He looked wrecked. “Stevie?” Bucky, this full grown man says. Calling his best friend “Stevie” just like always. “Hm?” He hums in response, opening the pantry. “Are you okay?” Bucky asks, knowing the answer already, and knowing Steve was gonna lie. His jaw visibly tenses and he seems to force himself to relax. “Fine” he answers simply. “Liar” Bucky accuses, hopping the couch and walking to the kitchen. Steve keeps looking in the pantry. “I’m fine” Steve shrugs, rubbing a hand through his blond bed head. Bucky frowns. “No, your not. Stop bullshitting me” bcky crosses his arms, pretending to be annoyed. He already knows why Steve is upset. “I was worried about you” Steve says, looking at his feet, still not turning away from the pantry. Bucky’s frown deepens and he too, runs a hand through his longer brown locks. “Come on Steve, there’s no reason to be worried” Bucky tells his friend,reaching for his arm. Steve tenses further. “Yes there is” Steve says finally spinning to face Bucky. But now he’s annoyed. “I can’t sleep until I know your home. I physically can’t, and it really bothers me that your going out to bars and clubs almost every night and you won’t even tell me why!” He says, raising his voice slightly. Bucky knee he was hurting Steve. But he didn’t think this much. “I can’t tell you why” Bucky says, looking down at his hands, shame filling his heart. This makes him want to get drunk and forget the conversation, right now he wants to get so drunk hell never remember his feelings for Steve. But that’s not how it works. “Sam, Nat and Clint are coming for movie night tonight.” Steve informs him, walking to his bedroom without another word. Bucky is mad at himself. Why does he do this? And why can’t he stop. He calls J. “Hey B” she says happily. “I can’t breathe” he whines into the phone. “Literally or metaphorically?” She asks, the chirpiness Gina from her phone, replaced by concern. Bucky swallows thickly. “I wanna go out, but Steve’s mad at me for it. And he’s ignoring me. And I want to get drunk” Bucky explains quickly. “Metaphorically, that’s good. But Bucky, I can offer some emotional comfort. Your with me, he doesn’t need to be worried. And you won’t be drinking.” She tells Bucky as he shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other “Okay” he tells her and hangs up. He walks to Steve’s room, and knocks on the door hesitantly. There’s no answer. “Steve?” Bucky calls out, sighing quietly. “I’m going to Joseys, I’ll be back for movie night” he informs him, walking into his room to throw a shirt on. After he has successsfully put on a shirt, he walks focus the door. Closing it behind him. When he gets to Joseys apartment she’s already standing In the doorway, wolfing up two spoons. “Hey buddy” she greets, leading him inside. “Hey” he says, forcing his voice to sound okay. Not like hes choking on hair balls. See sits him on the couch and runs to the kitchen, returning moments later with a tub of cookie dough ice cream. She knows it’s buckys favorite. They spend the entire day talking feelings and eating ice cream. But by the end Bucky still feels heavy with emotion. He gets home and Nat, Clint, and Sam are sitting on the couch with Steve. “Hey guys, am I late?” He asks, sighing down beside Natasha. He shakes her head. “No, the three of us just got here.” Bucky nods, looking around the room. “What movie are we gonna watch?” Sam grins “can we watch baby driver?” He asks. Everyone looks around at one another. Clint sighs looking at his phone. “Guys” he says, getting everyone’s attention. “Tony wants us to come to his place for a party.” Nat smiles and nods. Clint nods. Sam gives a thumbs up and Steve shrugs. “Yeah, whatever lets go” he says, and everyone stands up, grabbing their jackets. “I gottta change real quick can we stop at my house?” She asks sweetly and all the boys agree. It’s not five minutes after she went inside does Natasha return, wearing a tight fitting black dress and knee high boots to match “Let’s go” She says, turning on the radio as the car starts moving. The whole drive there, everyone’s singing and laughing, telling jokes and talking. But alas, they’ve made it to Tony’s house. They walk in, so many people are everywhere, this really is a party. Bucky walks around taking a drink offered by Tony. “I made a drink, have one” he said and put it Bucky’s hand, moving onto the next guest without his wIting for a response. Bucky Downed it. It was good. There was definitely a lemony taste to it. Bucky day down on one of the white leather sofas, talking to random people. Taking drink after drink without even noticing what he was doing. He was thoroughly enjoying himself. And then he heard simeone talking about Steve. “Steve’s my best friend. I know a lot about him” he said, smiling like a maniac as he talked. “I know his favorite food is chicken wings, and he likes painting. And when he paints he has this horribly cute awe struck look on his face like he just keeps hitting break through after break through. I know he likes drawing people he admires. He doesn’t draw me very much. I know he’s interested in helping everybody. I know he pretends to hate five seconds of summer but secretly loves them.” Everyone who had been in the conversation was watching Bucky, listening to him dreamily list off a bunch of things he knows about Steve. “I know Steve hates the cold. I know he doesn’t like storms... I know he hates that women get payed less than men.” And he continues, thinking up anything he can remember. Bucky is so oblivious to the man standing behind him. Listening intently as Bucky starts talking about how much he loves everything about him. “I love the guy, he’s the best. Nobody knows. Not even Steve. But now you do” Bucky laughs uncontrollably, he tears up. “It’s funny. Because I’ve been scared to tell him for so many years and it hurt. So I stay out really late. And I try to forget because it’s easier. It’s easier than admitting how much I fucking love the guy. And you know what else I know? I know that Steve would never hurt me. Yet I still couldn’t tell him. Cause I’m a coward...oh look he’s here.” Bucky continues giggling like a school girl, watching Steve as he does. Steve makes his way towards his friend, stopping in front of him. “You were mad at me today. And I did it again. I’m sorry. Are you still mad?” Bucky’s smile goes away and is replaced with a frown. Steve tilts his head slightly. “I’m not mad at you” Steve tells him, holding out his hand for Bucky to take. “You were mad earlier. I never said sorry. So you have to still be mad” Bucky said, confusion making its way onto Bucky’s face. “Come” Steve tells him, pulling Bucky up off the sofa. Bucky does as told and follows Steve outside. Bucky doesn’t say anything, just stands on the sidewalk beside Steve and pouts. So Steve calls a taxi. They’d only been there for two hours and it was only nine.l but Bucky needed to go home. While the taxi is on its way Steve texts Nat that he’s taking a seriously hammered Bucky Barnes home. Bucky pouted the entire way home. When they got inside is when Bucky spoke up. “Stevie” he whispers quietly. Steve’s heart shatters, he turns around to face Bucky. “What is it?” He asks. Bj my steps closer and gives Steve a hug. “I’m sorry” he says, bunching his fists up in Steve’s shirt. “Why?” Steve questions, wrapping his arms around Bucky and squeezing him tighter. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you” he says, when Steve lets him go. “Bucky” he says, and Bucky looks at his feet and he starts to cry. “You didn’t embarrass me, I promise” “I shoudvd told you sooner but I couldn’t do it” Bucky whimpers, covering his face with his hair. Steve hugs him again, bringing him to the couch. Steve doesn’t know what to say. But he doesn’t have to say anything. Bucky continues. “I should’ve told you I love you years ago. But I didn’t and I couldn’t and it’s been hurting me but I still wouldn’t do it.” “Bucky, calm down, just breathe. I love you too.” Steve soothes. Almost choking on his own air when he realizes he just admitted his feelings too. “I love you too” he repeats, tasting the words on his tongue. Feeling the way the words sound coming out of his own mouth. He likes it. And he wants to say it more often. And for a moment it seems like Bucky stopped breathing. But then he’s gripping Steve’s shirt harder to keep himself from falling. Come, your going to bed.” Steve tells him, pulling him off the couch again. “Your coming with me” Bucky demands, letting Steve lead him to his room. As soon as he’s in his bed Steve kisses his cheek gently. “Stay” Bucky says, already half asleep as he pulls Steve down by the collar of his shirt. Steve sighs “okay” And Bucky smiles faintly. He’s happy. “I love you” he whispers as he holds Steve close to chest. Dozing off. Steve beams brightly, snuggling closer into Bucky’s chest mimbling an “I love you too” as he falls asleep, he just fell in love with Bucky all over again.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cute stuff

Bucky Wakes up with a grunt. He doesn’t remember coming home last night. Which, isn’t rare. He looks around the room, realizing it’s not his. There’s also an unexpected weight behind him and he realizes he’s in Steve’s room. He’s in Steve’s bed.  He wracks his brain for whatever he can find in his head about what happened last night. He comes up with nothing. All he remembers is hammering back drinks like their the air he breathes. He remembers talking to a bunch of girls. But then the rest is blank. He feels Steve’s arms heavy around his waist. He feels his face snuggled in the crook of Bucky’s neck. And he can hear and feel the even rise and fall of Steve’s chest as he breathes. Bucky has to be dead. He must’ve finally gotten alcohol poisoning and died. He must’ve. Because this, oh no, this is otherworldly. It’s Bucky's total heaven. Everything he’s ever wanted. And he doesn’t dare move. Afraid that if he does, then he’ll wake up And Steve won’t be here anymore. He just wants five more minutes of pure bliss. But he can’t shut his mind off. Did he and Steve both get drunk and do something? No, Bucky’s still wearing his clothes. Did he and Steve confess? He doubts it. He probably had another breakdown like the one two or three days ago. There’s no way Bucky would’ve confessed. No way at all. He stays there, lost in thought thinking up possible scenarios of last night. Until he’s so rudely pulled out of his thoughts by the small soft noise of Steve waking up and a soft kiss being pressed to his neck. Bucky tenses immediately. Maybe it’s not so crazy that he and Steve confessed. But he relaxes immediately when Steve doesn’t stop, hoping he never does. Yeah, he’s so dead. He is dead. He’s so sure of it, and if he’s not. Well, he’s not gonna be breathing for much longer. He’s about to choke on the fucking breath in lungs. He relishes in the gentle circles being drawn on his side where his shirt has ridden up. And the way Steve keeps mumbling incoherent words between the sweet, precise kisses being planted on the exposed skin of his neck. Bucky takes it all in. Committing every touch and mumble to memory in case he never gets this ever again. He sighs dreamily. Unable to help himself. At least he didn’t whimper, because he’s so close to whimpering. He smiles, a soft smile that plays on the edges of his lips. A dreamy, perfectly ecstatic smile. One of the rare ones that are almost never used. Because Bucky is the happiest he’s ever been. Shocked, happy, confused, excited. All those emotions playing around in his mind as he lets Steve kiss along his jaw, talking nonsense about how he’s wanted this for so long. And all Bucky can do is nod and hum in quiet agreement. When Steve finally stops, he leaves Bucky thoroughly disappointed, and Bucky turns around, wanting to get a good look at Morning Steve. Steve smiles at him, happy and calm. Beautiful. Steve’s smile is beautiful, and his eyes sparkle as he watches a smile form on Bucky’s face too. Bucky keeps on thinking about what happened last night. Keeps trying to remember. But all he remembers is telling Steve he’s sorry for embarrassing him as he cries. But how did he embarrass Steve? “What’s wrong?” Steve asks, smile fading from his face. “I don’t know what happened yesterday.” Bucky says honestly, Steve frowns deeply. “Oh” he says. “I remember telling you I’m sorry for embarrassing you. But how did I embarrass you?” Bucky asks, watching Steve sit up. And yeah, Bucky just royally fucked up. He just hurt Steve. All because he couldn’t remember. “Um, well.” Steve starts, running a hand through his hair and standing up. Bucky stands too and follows Steve to the kitchen. “You started talking nonsense about how you know more about me than anyone” Steve tells him, starting to make coffee. “Well I do” Bucky says smugly, leaning against the counter, listening intently. He thinks he remembers that part. Steve smiles faintly. “Umm, you then starting telling people about how much you...love me” Steve says hesitantly, sounding almost afraid Bucky would take back everything he said last night. Bucky pales. He knew he did something stupid. But he doesn’t say anything. “And then you realized I was there, and got upset. And I told you we were going home. You said I was mad at you. I wasn’t. I’m still not. And I told you that and you said you were sorry. I called a cab and you literally pouted the whole way home. But as soon as we got inside you started crying. You said you were sorry for embarrassing me. You didn’t. I promised you didn’t. I made you go to bed. You said I had to stay with you. And I guess you got upset I didn’t say I love you back. But when I did... uh, when I did you fell asleep easier” Steve explained, keeping his hands busy to stop them from shaking and keeping his eyes focused on anything but Bucky. “Stevie..” Bucky said, arms crossed as he stood leaning his back against the countertop still. After Steve’s explanation of last night, Bucky remembers better. Not all of it, but most. “Do you take it back?” Steve asks, voice cracking with unshed tears as he stops moving his hands, back facing Bucky. “No! did you only say I love you back so I would feel better?” He asks, unable to stop the frustration that creeps into his tone. Immediately Steve is in front of him, almost pressing against him he’s so close. His hands rest on either side of Bucky who can feel Steve’s breath hot on his face. “No. I would never do that to you” Steve growls, eyes shining with want. Bucky almost falls to his knees at seeing Steve like this, hearing the growl of annoyance the truth as Steve answers honestly. Steve being so close has Bucky nervous and places his hands behind him on the counter. “Steve...” Bucky says, nerves practically radiating off of him as he looks up at Steve, who is growling low in his throat. “You think I would lie to you like that? Hurt you like that?” He asks, gripping the edge of the counter. The suspected want in his eyes growing. Bucky frowns, a whine escaping his lips, which only made Steve’s hooded eyes darker. “That’s not an answer” Steve says, tone warning, which really is only making Bucky want to laugh. Steve is no dominant figure. He’s too nice. But Bucky refrains from laughing, Steve was making him nervous. Which is weird. “I think, you should prove you wouldn’t” Bucky says, with a sudden wave of courage. Steve’s mouth is immediately on his, urgent, passionate. And Bucky’s hands fly to Steve’s belt loops on the instinct to pull him as close as he can get him. Neither want to pull away, both too blissed out to think of anything else but each other. Steve smiles into the kiss, making a small chuckling noise. Bucky decides to be a little shit, pulling away gently even though everything in him is telling him not to. His breathing is heavy, matching Steve’s. Steve rests his forehead against Bucky’s and sighing audibly. “Did I make my point?” Steve asks, moving his hands from the countertop to Bucky’s waist. Bucky chuckles. “Don’t you have coffee to finish making?” Steve frowns. “Why make coffee when I can stay awake in a more interesting way?” He teases, connecting their mouths once more.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is cuuuuutteeeee

Steve and Bucky spent the whole entire day together. cuddling on the couch, watching movies. Both men were finally satisfied with how everything in their lives turned out. They had their friends, they had their home, they had each other. What could be better?

Oh, Bucky can think of something. A dog. "Please Stevie?" He begs, the thought had randomly come to him in the middle of watching back to the future 2. Steve wasn't opposed to the idea. He wants a dog too. But he's not sure if it's a good idea. Yes, they definitely have the money for one, but will it get enough attention? Knowing Bucky, possibly too much. Steve sighs. "Maybe..." Bucky squeals, Jumping up from the couch excitedly. "Can we go look? Please?" He asks, giving him puppy eyes as he pulls Steve off the couch. "Please?"  Steve grunts, but nods towards the door. So Bucky drags him all the way to the nearest animal shelter. 

All the dogs were far too cute, but Bucky immediately gravitated towards the Rottweiler puppy, fawning over how klutzy he is with his overly large paws and how he stumbles and falls sometimes. he liked nibbling on peoples hands, but definitely not hard enough to hurt. He's the cutest puppy you would ever meet and definitely the sweetest. The little thing is so playful and cheeky, it's hard not to love him. Bucky holds him up next to his face. "Steeeeevvveee" He whines, pouting at the furrball in his hands. Oh yeah, this puppy is definitely the runt. Steve grins. "We're getting him. He's so cute." Steve agrees, reaching for the puppy, which Bucky moves away from his grasp. "You can only  hold him if we name him Bucky" Steve gives a confused look. "Why?" he asks, reaching for the dog again, only for Bucky to move him away, again. "I already have my Bucky" Bucky smiles widely, snuggling the puppy closer to his chest. "Well, your gonna have another one" Steve nods absently. "whatever, sure" Bucky grins wider (If that were possible) and takes Steve's hand. "I can't believe we're getting a dog. This is the best day ever" Steve smiles at his boyfriends excited rambling, listening intently as they talk to the people at the front desk. They put the puppy in a kennel, and hand him over to Bucky when the papers are signed and they can take him home with them. This dog, was $45. Not bad. Steves first dog when he was a kid was $70.

when they get home Bucky let's Bucky out of the small cage and lets him run around, letting him into the backyard. He kisses Steve happily and hugs him, Deciding that the next afternoon he would go and get proper dog bowls and a leash, aaannnddddd, maybe a few (hundred) toys. Bucky was excited. He loves Rottweilers, they've always been one of his favorite breeds. "We've been dating for two days and we got a dog." Steve shakes his head, chuckling lightly as he pulls Bucky closer. Bucky smiles softly, burying his head in Steve's neck. "Y'know why?" he asks, Playing with the fabric of Steve's shirt. "Why?" Steve replies curiously. Bucky pulls away. "Because You love me and I said so, and we live together anyway." He answers matter of factly, leaning in again for a soft kiss, continuing to hold onto Steve's shirt as he brings their lips together in a fond, adoringly loving kiss. And their happy. So incredibly happy with everything, because how could they not be, they have a dog. and let's not forget that they have each other. And they love each other. They've always loved each other. And Bucky knows, Steve is it for him. He'll never need anyone else because he has his Boyfriend. His Stevie, til' the end of the line.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what, you expect a decent summary at the beginning of every chapter? Mostly I just make stuff up as I go.

Playing with puppy Bucky was admittedly really fun for both Steve and his boyfriend. Both of them running around the backyard, trying to catch the little thing. Their entire afternoon was spent chasing and laughing at the small dog, who was constantly tripping over his own ginormous paws he's yet to grow into. "y'know Buck, I think this whole dog idea might've been the best you've had in a while" Steve tells him when their finally settled on the couch after a tug of war session with one of Steve's shoes. "I know, so tomorrow we're going puppy stuff shopping, since today we just fed him left over chicken..." Bucky replied, adjusting his head on Steve's chest, who sighed at the thought of going shopping.  
"Yeah, going outside, walking around a store, your life is so sad" Bucky scoffed incredulously at Steve's nerve to sigh at his plans. Steve ignored this. Instead of replying, he kissed the top of his boyfriends head sweetly and squeezed his shoulder lightly, letting the small display of affection be the end of the conversation. Which it was. And Bucky loves Steve for his little ways of showing his love. And Steve loves Bucky for the opposite.

Morning comes too fast, both men having fallen asleep on the couch watching some drama TV show about werewolves. Steve's neck was sore from leaning hes head on the back of the couch all night. Neither of them really meant to fall asleep there, they were enjoying the quiet of the house while puppy Bucky was asleep and ended up getting too comfortable. Steve nudged Bucky awake, who was currently curled up with his head on Steve's chest still. Bucky grumbles lightly and shifts his head, still not opening his eyes. "Bucky, it's 11:00, you said we were going puppy shopping today. An early start?" Steve said quietly, just loud enough for Bucky to hear while Steve continued to nudge him. "Noooo....." Buck whines, his nose scrunching up in his half sleep state. Steve chuckled under his breath, shaking his head lightly, almost unnoticeable. "Come on babydoll" He coaxes, watching Bucky shift awkwardly at the use of the nickname. That amuses Steve. "Stevie I don't wanna move" Bucky complains childishly, voice soft yet thick with sleep. Steve's smile grows bigger at hearing the sound of his sleepy voice. "I know, but we gotta" Steve tells him seriously, sitting him upright-with much protest from Bucky. Steve kisses his forehead lovingly, holding the man beside him up, worried he would lie down again if he let go. "You okay now baby?" Steve asks in a soft monotone voice, earning a nod and 'mhm' from Bucky, which sounds more like a purr that vibrates through his chest enough for Steve to feel in his side. They stand-well, Steve does, pulling his boyfriend up too and walking to the kitchen. "Eggs?" he asks, as Bucky sits down at the breakfast bar. He nods, rubbing his eyes roughly and blinking a couple times. Then Steve makes eggs for Bucky and himself. Scrambled with melted for Bucky, exactly how he likes it. And a sunny side up for himself. Bucky finishes first, going to his room to change and get ready for the day. Of course, Steve does the same. And they head out. Bucky wakes up real fast when Steve puts on his favorite 20th century songs, singing along with them all, making Steve join in too. He loves seeing Bucky like this. All happy and carefree, he doesn't like drunk Bucky. Bucky who drinks away his emotions so he doesn't have to deal with them all the time. He loves Bucky, and all he's ever wanted for him was for him to be happy. And so he looks now, eyes shining with fondness as he stares at the impeccable beauty of Bucky Barnes' smile, the one that reaches his eyes that you could never mistake for being fake. Steve has to focus on the road though. Bucky's smile isn't gonna be seen anymore if he kills him. Which, is not an option. So, Steve keeps his eyes on the road. Because as much as he could stare at his new boyfriend all day, his perfect boyfriend who's like August Storms. Dark, and loud, yet you can find so much inner beauty to them. And Bucky, oh Bucky is all beauty. "First on the list, Kibble" Bucky declares, marching off towards the food isle. He and Steve look through all of the dog food and settle on a good looking seemingly healthy one. Then they get a leash and food bowls, which Bucky was fawning over the different designs. They go for a black leash with white hearts and matching food bowls. Bucky was ecstatic to be doing this. He was having fun scratching things off the list one by one, and he wanted to get a million different toys for small Bucky. so he settled on three chew toys, (Two squeak) two stuffed animals, and a big bone that should last him forever. Bucky assumes there's no need to buy him water. But you never know. Could get picky. "We done Steve? Check the list" Oh, yeah. Bucky was making Steve push the cart and check the list. "Yeah, that's it" Steve smiled. He spent the entire trip ogling over how adorable his boyfriend Bucky looked while giggling over dog toys. Steve couldn't quite understand how lucky he was to have this man in his life. But he sure as hell is grateful. "Come on, let's go home Babydoll" Steve grins, holding out his hand for Bucky to take, which he does gladly. They make their way to the front of the store and towards the checkout area. "Awe, did you guys get a dog?" The cashier asks, a few raven strands falling in her face as she looks up. Bucky nods excitedly. Steve speaks. "Yeah, rottweiler puppy" The girl smiles dreamily. "Over sized paws? and what's their name?" Bucky smirks at the last question. "Huge paws. And we named him Bucky, after yours truly" He declares proudly,the smug look on his face staying with him the whole way home. "Jeez, Buck. She asked the name of our dog. calm yourself." He rolls his eyes at Bucky's antics, carrying the shopping bags inside while Bucky unlocks the door and picks up the barking pup. "Hey baby" He coos in the dogs ear. "You have fun by yourself?" He continues to scratch the dog and pet him while Steve takes everything out of the bags. "Stevie?" He asks, holding the puppy in his arms gently. Steve hums in response. "You don't have to do that. I can" He volunteers, putting the puppy down and walking towards Steve. he hugs him from behind, placing his arms around his waist and burying his face in the crook of the man in front of him's neck. He mumbles unintelligible words into Steve's skin, who just can't help the smile forming on his lips. "Oh?" he says, even though he has no idea what Bucky is saying. Bucky nods weakly. Steve turns around in his grasp, facing Bucky's small smile. Steve's smile returns brighter and he kisses Bucky's lips sweetly. savoring the feeling they give him, memorizing it. He and Bucky were made for each other. Tolerating each others flaws, embracing them. and doing so even more with their on point qualities. And they love each other. So different yet so alike. one, a calm sea current. The other, a storm in the near end summer heat. Both dangerous, but one tends to conceal it better. And they go together so perfectly to create the perfect scenery. Or, perfect match. And perfect match they are. So, intensely comfortable with each other, yet so worried about what the other might think. It goes together. A gentle soul and a wild mind. They create an interesting pair. Yet if you look closer than the surface you'll find more beauty than you thought possible. Because that's what it means to be in love. Finding beauty in each other and yourself. Finding beauty in both you and them together. And they have that perfect connection. Their so in sync with each other yet so different in their schedules. They always find time for each other. So yeah, every time their lips touch Steve tries to find anything he didn't notice before. and he always finds what he's looking for. companionship and love. Loyalty and laughter. And neither of them would trade this love for their greatest wish. Because this is it. This is their greatest wish. And they have it right in front of them. "I love you" "I love you too" "'Til the end of the line?" "Yeah baby, 'til the end of the line"


End file.
